Ten ideas for 'Twilight' April Fool's Day headlines

'The Twilight Saga: Eclipse' - Summit Ent.

If you're seeing a story or situation in the Twilight world that seems just a little (or, in some cases, completely) off, that's because it's once again April Fool's Day.
Around the web world various spoof stories about the series are coming to the surface, in some cases even confusing fans into believing their preposterous claims.
Everything from the idea of Robert Pattinson directing The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn to a story about the film being rated "R" and absent Taylor Lautner (fat chance on both accounts, of course) has found a way into the Twilight news world.
So, here are a few ideas for Twilight April Fool's Day headlines that you might get a kick out of (and if you actually see these anywhere, please assume they're false).

• "Taylor Lautner is hired as a surrogate for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart's baby!"

This is a simple jump-off from Kaleb Nation ("Twilight Guy")'s epic video about the Kristen Stewart pregnancy "rumors" that made their way to the web last year.

• "New 'Twilight' spin-off series by Stephenie Meyer: 'Charlie and the Cheesecake Factory'"

Potential description: "After Breaking Dawn, Bella, Edward, and the Cullen family are forced to leave Forks, Washington to pursue a new start in southeast Asia. Charlie Swan, "famous ladies man," is once again alone in the small, rainy town. A fan of sweets and lover of food, Swan turns to consumption to overcome his never-ending boredom from the sudden drop in crime rates for the small town. Only, when he realizes that Forks does not have the right delicatessen to suit his every need, he begins to see the potential that the Cheesecake Factory would have in his small town. Chief Swan becomes Chef Swan in this savory comedy novella, and it hits book stores on February 1, 2019."

• "Director David Slade throws final 'The Twilight Saga: Eclipse' film reel into crematorium"

Potential storyline: "Director David Slade, always the oddball activity enthusiast, has thrown the only remaining copy of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse's film reel into a crematorium in a fit of anger at film studio Summit Entertainment's call for yet another edit to the one hundred and twenty minute film. The studio called for Slade to add more "Emmett" to the film after a very public outcry by Twilight fans for the character to take a position of prominence in the movie. Slade, via his public Twitter page, shouted (which, in Twitter lingo, means ALL CAPS) "AHEUWAH" and "SHOOT ME" before telling the world he'd gotten rid of the last bits of film for the project. Slade later revealed that he'll only involve himself with movies about rabid, steak-eating puppies from now on. Film studio Summit Entertainment is filing suit against the director for his actions, and they plan to re-shoot the picture this fall back-to-back-to-back with The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, parts one and two. The release dates for all three films will fall within five months of one another."

• "'The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn' film location announced, look out world, it's the moon"

Potential article snippet: "For months, nearly everyone in the Twilight news industry believed that the struggle over selection of a filming location for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn was in deciding whether to film in Portland or Vancouver. Little did we know, the real competitors in interest were Earth and the moon. And the moon won. Stephenie Meyer spoke out about the decision to use terraform technology to create the perfect setting for Breaking Dawn's sequences. 'It's out of this world, really. I knew we were going to make it big, but it's beyond my wildest dreams that this worked out. It really adds authenticity to the story.' Kristen Stewart, the actress portraying 'Bella Swan' in the series, has referred to the decision as 'crazy, man.' The man on the moon's representatives declined to issue any statement on the matter."

• "'Breaking Dawn' baby gets a sex change, boy cast for Renesmee"

Potential opening for the story: "After months of debate between Breaking Dawn filmmakers and CGI expert Phil Tippett, the decision has been made to cast a boy for the role of Renesmee Cullen. Tippett revealed that it was easier to add CGI elements to the character's expression and features (as necessitated by the book's description of her) without the usual feature definition found in female children. Studio representatives lauded the decision, saying 'It's no big deal to just put a wig on the child. Pretty much every other actor in the film wears one at this point.'"

• "'The Twilight Saga: Eclipse' Volturi really will be naked for the film"

Potential article snippet: "Jamie Campbell Bower ("Caius") was quickly silenced last year for his apparent quip about the Volturi's nudity in The Twilight Saga: New Moon. 'It wasn't supposed to get out back then that this was being considered,' New Moon director Chris Weitz explained. 'That was a surprise for viewers of Eclipse, and I left the decision up to David Slade.' The decision to make a portion of the Volturi nude in sequences at the end of the film was made by Dakota Fanning. 'I'm really coming into my own thanks to The Runaways. Also, I'm thinking this'll be a great way to reach our male audience,' she said. A source close to production states that the decision was vehemently accepted by Summit Entertainment, who desperately wants to tap into the young male audience and make The Twilight Saga: Eclipse a 'guy's film.' Twilight fans were on board for the concept until they learned that neither Daniel Cudmore, Charlie Bewley, or Cameron Bright would be nude (only Fanning). Bower does not appear in Eclipse."

• "Anna Kendrick expects her next Oscar nomination to come from 'Eclipse'"

Potential quote: "Kendrick, who was recently nominated based on Up in the Air, stated, 'I really think the next Oscar bid might come from Eclipse, you know, because 'Jessica' really delivers on her graduation speech. I had to use a lot of ad-lib and self-direction, but it's definitely possible.'"

• "'Twilight' film studio announces 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Edition' of 'New Moon' DVD'

Potential article snippet: "Today, Hot Topic announced their exclusive new version of The Twilight Saga: New Moon on DVD, the 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Edition.' The version includes all of the special features found on the two-disc special edition DVD as well as two extra minutes of deleted scenes not found anywhere else. The first five hundred patrons to buy the  'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Edition' at one of the participating Hot Topic retailers near to them will receive a lock of Robert Pattinson's hair with a certificate of authenticity. Hot Topic is hosting midnight 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Edition' release parties across the country, but the only venues participating in the 'Lock of Rob' promotion are New York and Los Angeles."

• "'Breaking Dawn' director announced, Paul Reuben ('Pee Wee Herman') takes the helm"

Potential snippet: "Finally, a director for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn has been announced, and, after intense debate and contract negotiations, Paul Reubens (b.k.a. 'Pee Wee Herman') has gotten the bid. Insiders attribute the decision to the drastic cost reduction the selection will bring. A source close to the studio revealed that both Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart are negotiating removal from the project based on the decision."